


To Find Memories

by Iki_teru



Series: In the litany of your name [6]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Leon is very lightly involved in this one, actually Yuffie and anyone in her found family are my jam, because Aerith and Yuffie interacting are my jam, definitely getting more AUish, so have some cid too, this one has more Aerith in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 00:04:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9211085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iki_teru/pseuds/Iki_teru
Summary: Sora's back in Traverse Town, which isn't all that exciting. Except... except he has a girl with him. he has Kairi. Time to head back to Hollow Bastion, whether Yuffie is ready or not (spoiler: she's not)





	

**Author's Note:**

> HAHA bet you thought you'd seen the last of this series! Nope! Although I am approaching the end of this particular journey with Yuffie and co.  
> Self edited, as always con-crit welcomed and appreciated.

_In my life, I have seen_

_people walk into the sea_

_just to find memories_

_plagued by constant misery_

_Their eyes cast down_

_fixed upon the ground_

_I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun-_ "Shake me down" Cage The Elephant

 

 

Yuffie stretches her legs over the edge of the bell tower. It's her second favorite place in the whole city, eclipsed only by the small spaces wedged between the peaks of the accessory shop. But the First District has been especially busy lately, lots of Traverse Town denizens moving to the relative safety, whatever strange magic keeping the heartless out of that district making a safety net for everyone. The handful of rooms over the cafe are full to bursting, people bunking down with near strangers, sleeping on the floor. Anything is better than being trapped in the other districts, worrying about the moving shadows slithering through your windows while you sleep or grabbing you on the street.

It's not that she blames them, Yuffie knows she's in a unique position to be able to defend herself against the heartless and Merlin had warded the homes so thoroughly that she doubted a heartless could get near them while they slept. But not everyone knew how to flick a shuriken between the lamp bright eyes, not everyone knew how to use the narrow alleys to their advantage and bounce from wall to wall until they could look down at the sea of darkness instead of being forced to wade through it. No, she didn't blame them for running to the safety offered by the First District. It just made it..... noise-some to be there now.

Maybe she's been spending too much time with Leon, which meant too much time in relative silence. Maybe she was just _tired_ because even he noticed she hadn't been as talkative lately. But the heartless seem to be coming in bigger swarms, tougher groups to cleave a way through and it was exhausting. So what if it turned out she liked a little peace and quiet now and again, was that such a crime? Babbling was good when you had the energy to babble, when you weren't worn thin and down to the bone and couldn't remember the last time you slept for longer than three hour. She’s tired on a molecular level and being twitchy and constantly on the move was good for the days when you weren't shepherding people through the streets, blade at the ready as you tried to keep them calm. No, she had used up all her optimism and good will, possibly for the rest of her life. Yuffie had vacated the body, all that was left was.... actually that's a good question. Maybe this is how Squall became Leon, by taking up the fight and refusing to give himself a break. That would make her... Kisa Kisaragi? Yuffie wrinkled her nose, folding her arms under her head as she regarded the starry sky. That wouldn't do, she needed to workshop the idea a bit more.

Besides, Yuffie was fairly sure this was just a phase. Secondhand panic or something like that. She'd take the breaks when she could find them, maybe see about catching some more sleep or begging a shoulder rub from Aerith. No need to jump to the drastic measures and reinvent herself as a broody ball of grump.

The stars wheeled overhead, Yuffie tried to count them, see if they numbered the same they did yesterday, paced her breathing to the gentle sway of the universe unfolding around her. There seemed to be bigger holes between stars tonight, or maybe that was her imagination, or maybe she was just terrible at counting. All this panic had her on edge even when she was trying so hard not to be. She blinked, picked a spot that looked familiar and tried to count again, tried to trace the shapes she had made up days and days and months ago, her own constellations that only made sense to her.

"Yuffie!"

She sat up quick enough that she almost launched herself from the top of the tower. Down below Aerith stood, her hands cupped around her mouth, staff strapped to her back (and Yuffie tried not to feel a pang of trepidation at that, at seeing Aeirth armed and ready for battle. Not that she didn't think Aerith wasn’t capable of handling herself out there, true she was usually a back line defender but that's because she was the best healer in the bunch and besides, armed like this, jacket covering slender shoulders and a certain set to her smiles she doesn't quite look like herself. She looks like the other her, the Aerith that came before, in the other life, the one that Yuffie watched die and she blinks and tries to chase away the overlapping images of the two versions of the same woman. Things were dire, there was no getting around that.) Yuffie waved, letting Aerith know she had her attention.

"Sora's back!" Aerith says it like it's a big deal, like Sora hasn't been flitting in and out of their lives for months now, coming back slightly singed and harder around the eyes every time with tales of worlds they'll never get to see. He'll be in town for a day or two and then gone again, taking a little more light with him when he leaves (he needs it more than they do, she's seen the way his shoulders sag, the tight lines around his mouth. He's so far removed from the goofy loud kid that fell out of their sky, a little light and optimism is the least they can give him.)

Yuffie is about to call down a nonchalant "kay," and return to her star gazing but she can see Aerith smile, even from way up here and there's something there, some secret she's holding in.

"He has a girl with her, I think it's one of his friends he's been looking for."

And that's the hook, there's a story there, everyone has heard him go on at length about his two friends (he insists he saw Riku once in Traverse Town and Yuffie scoured the area trying to find him again, because if anyone could find him it would be her and she caught the edge of silver once, only once, and she had called out to the person but by the time she rounded the corner there was no one there and it was a dead end, walls too high and far apart for anyone to scale and she convinced herself she had imagined it.) Yuffie slides carefully off the edge of the tower, catching herself on one of the little outcrops halfway down, bending at the knees and doing an impressive backflip down to the ground.

It earns a peal of laughter from Aerith who affectionately shoves Yuffie's shoulder and calls her a show off. "C'mon," says Aerith, "they're in the little house in the Third District."

The little house, a small one room piece of nonsense that fell into their care and quickly became an emergency safe house (a place Yuffie has, frankly, had to spend too many nights when she was caught out and the heartless turned out to be a bit more tenacious than one small ninja could handle.) is crowded and cramped with mostly familiar faces. Hellos are exchanged with Sora, Donald, and Goofy but there's a tenseness to their shoulders, a tightness around their smiles.

There's one new face and the newness of her shines like a beacon in the cramped space. The little redhead who can only be Kairi, who they've heard so much about. Yuffie feels like she knows the girl already, gets a strange lurch of deja vu when Kairi turns a tentative smile her way.

There's a lot of talk of darkness and things she doesn't really want to think about- Hollow Bastion, Sora was at the Bastion, Sora saw her _home_ and she has a million questions to ask but now isn't the time, it's never the time, so she bites her tongue and tries to look like she's paying attention when really she spends the time studying Kairi. It's hard to believe Sora could ever mistake this slim slip of a girl for Yuffie, no matter how hard Leon had smacked him around. She's quieter than Yuffie would have guessed, drawn into herself and rocks back and forth on her heels with hands clasped behind her back.

Sora isn't staying long, he never does, but this time is different. There's a finality to it this time, that once he goes out he'll set things straight once and for all. Yuffie doesn't know how to feel about that. It's been this....this stand still for so long that she can't even imagine suddenly moving forward. He repacks the gummi ship and has a heated argument with Kairi (to which Yuffie tries not to eavesdrop on and fails miserably and then feels weird about the fact that so much is resting on such young shoulders.) He's gone just as quick as he arrived and they're left with a new face around town.

Kairi remains quiet after Sora leaves. Yuffie tries to befriend her, because she can't imagine all of what the girl has been through (they get a brief breakdown, something about her heart hiding inside Sora and her body going on an intergalactic tour that she was and was not conscious for and Yuffie doesn't even want to think about _that)_ but she doesn't know where to begin and Kairi is quiet in a way she doesn't know how to deal with.

She's used to Aerith's quiet, introspective but present and easy to draw into a conversation. She's used to the moogles quiet as they study blueprints and schematics and sigh at her and ask her to not touch things in the kiln _again please, kupo_ . But one of the little furballs is usually available for a chat, more than happy to show off their latest work or explain something complicated that she couldn't really care about. She's used to Leon's quiet, tight and furious but directed at himself and it's not easy to draw him out of that, it takes cajoling and poking and prodding and getting him to explode _outward_ first but he feels better for it after, she knows.

Kairi though... Kairi is quiet and contemplative and nothing Yuffie says gets a real rise out of her. She finally gives up, resting her chin in her hands and studies the younger girl. There's still that strange ping of deja vu in her head but she doesn't know _why_ , Kairi has never had a life before this one so it's not that.

"You're not what I expected," Yuffie finally says after two long days of awkward, stilted one sided conversations. "Sora is so....Sora," and she motions big, all encompassing, larger than life to try and convey what that meant. "I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't what you are."

That earns her a laugh, quiet like everything else and hidden behind a hand. "To be honest, I don't think I'm what I was." Kairi looks at her, and Yuffie realizes this is the first time she's _actually_ looked and her eyes are bright and impossibly deep like the ocean itself and she thinks she sees a bit of the girl Sora knew from the islands. "Nothing's the way it was supposed to be. This whole journey is wrong. Riku is...different than he was and Sora and I suppose, even though I was mostly asleep for it, even I am." She bit her lip and clasped her hands around her knees. "We just wanted an adventure, to know what was out past the ocean's edge. We never meant to lose ourselves like this."

Yuffie doesn't know what to say to that and is about to admit as much when the door to the little house swings open without so much as a knock. Leon leans in, finds her without a moment's hesitation (was he watching through the window? and isn't that a thought, Leon stalking her. Yuffie almost laughs.) "Pack up," he says. "We're leaving."

Everything happens so fast, looking back Yuffie can't quite trace the chain of events. She remembers following him out with a squawk, dragging Kairi along in her wake (because she didn't want to be alone with this doppleganger Leon, because she couldn't parse what he meant and she needed a translator, because she was scared.)

"What do you mean?" Yuffie asks for what must be the millionth time. She directs the questions at Merlin this time. He's in the middle of his room, waving his arms about as everything in his small small house floats about in a tidy line, shrinking down so all of it can fit in his single piece of luggage. Yuffie would impressed under normal circumstances, would demand to know how it worked and maybe try to convince him to shrink her down like that too. Now... now she watches, heart growing heavier with every second that ticks by, as the book containing Pooh and the Hundred Acre Woods disappears.

"When Sora finishes this, all the lost worlds will be restored," Merlin explains, infinitely more patient than Leon or Cid had been. "Everyone will be returned to their home world, everyone and everything. Most of Traverse Town is made of bits and bobbles from other worlds, things that survived the Darkness. Everything will be called home."

"If we're going to be called home, why can't we just wait?" She's still holding onto Kairi's hand and can't find it in her to let go. Especially after Kairi gives a reassuring squeeze and leans a little on Yuffie's shoulder. It feels like she's being propped up, like the weight of Kairi is the only thing keeping her standing. She squeezes her hand back.

"You forget child, we did not end up here as refuge left over, we _escaped_ . This is nearly unheard of, most denizens of Traverse Town were pulled here because their hearts were strong enough to survive the darkness. There's no guarantee _we_ will be called home, and when this is over with _everything_ will be reset, including the borders between worlds. We leave now or we leave not at all and there is no telling what will be left of Traverse Town when everything is returned."

It felt like they were being punished for surviving all those years ago. "What about Kairi?" Hold tight, don't let go. "Will she be okay here?"

Merlin strokes his beard and regards the girls. "Yes, I believe so. Her heart was strong enough to hide inside Sora who was pulled her. Besides that, her whole world was swallowed, it will be.... a gentler re-entry than what the Bastion is going to experience, I think." He walks away, done with them, muttering about what it means for the heart of a world to be left standing.

 

The ship was packed with their meager belongings. Yuffie hadn't been sure what one was meant to stuff in a knapsack in preparation of jumping worlds so she had settled for clean underwear and her knitted blanket and her books. Kairi was staying because something about sympathetic magic and being in Traverse Town would make it easier for her to get home.

"I guess this is it." A shrug, a scuff of the shoe. "Sorry you can't come with."

"You don't look happy."

"I get motion sick."

"No it's more than that," and Kairi cocks her head to the side like a bird. "They say _home_ but your eyes say _wrong_."

Yuffie says nothing. Nothing is better than acknowledging what Kairi is implying. She doesn't take a last look around, her heart can't handle it, settles for staring down at her shoes instead. She needs to replace them soon, the spot over her big toe is wearing thin and she can almost see her sock through it. She wonders what kind of facilities they'll have when they arrive... when they arrive home (and it feels wrong, after so long of wishing and dreaming and wanting it tastes bitter in her mouth but she makes herself think it anyway. _home. home. hollow bastion is home. get used to it Yuffie.)_

She's surprised when Kairi leans in for a hug. She's a good hugger, Yuffie thinks, just tight enough and she tucks her head under Yuffie's chin to fit perfectly. "Take care of yourself," says Kairi. "This isn't the end, don't let it feel like it is."

Yuffie holds tight and wishes she had more time. More time here, more time to become friends with Kairi because something about her feels so _right._ "I see why you and Sora are such good friends now."

That's it, they're boarded and gone faster than Yuffie can even say “Hey sorry for knicking that belt last week” to the man at the counter of the accessory shop. It's going to be different, this return trip. They have coordinates and supplies and everyone is healthy and hale. No wandering through space this time, lost and half starved and not quite dead but some members of the party very injured. She wonders about Tifa and Cloud, if they'll be able to get back, if they're even alive anymore.

Nothing about the Bastion looks familiar. It's just a castle with an oppressive atmosphere. The fountain in the entrance is dry. There's no time for sightseeing, however. Leon is determined to get to the heart of the castle, to the place where all the adults are convinced Sora will be. Yuffie recognizes nothing on their mad dash through the castle: dim halls and echoes of promised memories with no delivery.

"I don't think you were ever this far in the castle," Aerith says as the approach the Chapel. It's so high up Yuffie's ears have popped and the little tidbit does help settle her nerves a little.

"But I was here?" Her tone is a little panicked and she realizes her mistake too late when Aerith looks down at her, brows furrowed.

"Of course you were."

Then they're passing by a group of young women who wave them on merrily and the confusion of _what the hell_ is enough for Yuffie to lose her train of thought.

They arrive just in time to see the great gateway in front of them shudder, the whole castle shaking and groaning and Yuffie realizes that the world's heart must have been locked. Sora and company come stumbling out, shocked and a little dazed to see everyone standing around.

Yuffie can't handle the look on his face, jumps up to sit on the banister with her back turned towards them. She catches Leon turn towards her out of the corner of her eye but he says nothing.

They go through the whole awful conversation again, about how the world's will be separate and restored and Sora naively chimes that he'll just come visit them in the gummi ship and it _hurts_ , that he can still do this. That he can still be so naive and optimistic and Yuffie loves him and hates him at once.

That's that, they say their goodbyes (again, more goodbyes always goodbye nothing ever _stays_ ) and the little hero and his friends are gone, on to the final battle. Nobody can help them from this point on. Yuffie doesn't pray, it's not in her, but she holds her breath and counts to ten and begs nothing in particular _be safe_.

The castle is still crawling with heartless and it's no small task to fight their way back down (the strange young women elect to stay where they are, smiling enigmatically at the offers to come with.) Turns out there aren't many areas that aren't prone to heartless manifestations. Everyone agrees on the buddy system (again, something they haven't had to worry about since the early days in Traverse Town and it really is like starting all over again) and they set up camp in the one place no heartless seems dare tread: the library.

Here is where it hits Yuffie, here is where her memories waited: hidden among the dusty old tomes and warm light. She almost doubles over from the onslaught of it.

She was small, smaller than small, and she had a friend who was all bright smiles and hair the color of cherry and they played among the shelves and stacks, always quietly or else Grandma would make them leave (not her grandma, but she might as well have been) and there were a great many games and a small, freckled hand always in her own and eyes the color of the deepest part of the ocean by her side.

(another memory, hazier and yet not: a festival. New dresses sewn by Grandma. Dresses that matched and were dotted through with silver thread for stars. Hers had been blue edging on black by the hem. The other girl’s pink at the shoulders and fading to a dark purple. They were the sunset together. And a name that Yuffie called over and over all night long as she dragged her friend from stall to stall.)

"Kairi," she gasps, the memory of the child and the young woman she had just met superimposing in her mind and she could _see_ it now, see the shape of the friend she had lost in the girl Sora had found.

She had lost her when the heartless had descended. The two of them out in the castle garden, playing hide and seek. Kairi had been there, light and smiling and radiant and then there had been a cry of alarm as the darkness overwhelmed her and then she was _gone_ and the creatures had turned their attention to Yuffie instead.

Someone catches her by the upper arm, it hurts but it stops her from almost knocking her brains out on the edge of a nearby table. "C'mon girlie," Cid growls, "let's get you some fresh air."

The entryway is blessedly still and quiet. That doesn't stop them from keeping a hand on their weapon of choice. It's going to be a nervous tic, Yuffie thinks, for some time to come still. He drags her all the way out, wasn't joking about that fresh air. The castle is high enough up that there's a constant breeze. Yuffie leans against the wall, the brickwork harsh and grating at her back and sucks in air like it's her last chance.

Cid lights up a cigarette. She thinks she should fuss about that but hey, it's been a weird day all around. "Wanna talk about it?" He asks, the blue smoke whipped away practically before he's done exhaling.

"I remembered," Yuffie says to the sky. "The past. But not the past past, not the other me. This me just....before. I'm not making sense anymore." She shakes her head, feels the beginning promise of a headache.

He snorts. "You never made much sense to begin with. I get ya, you remembered being little, being here."

"Kairi was my friend. Do.... do you think she'll be pulled back here when everything is restored?" Yuffied hated the way her voice broke, hated the way her hands were shaking and the hot sensation building behind her eyes. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Cid sighs, running a hand across his face. "Honestly? Probably not, I get the feeling that the islands is much more her home now than this place."

Yuffie allowed herself the moment to wallow. She sits down, draws her knees to her chest and hides her face. "I never get to keep anything." It’s a mean, bitter little thought. It didn't feel any better to say it out loud than it did to keep it to herself. She wouldn't cry, couldn't find the energy to, just let the heat of misery wash over her shoulders and curl around her spine until it settled as nausea in her stomach.

A hand, soft and warm and carding through Yuffie's hair. It startles her enough to make her look up, look through watery eyes as Aerith kneels next to her. "That's not entirely true." Aerith shifts over until she’s pressed firmly against Yuffie’s side, twining their hands together. "You kept us."

The hot knot in her throat only seems to grow hotter. "I was a kid, you guys wouldn't be cruel enough to throw a kid aside."

"But you're not now." How had she missed Leon and Aerith coming out? He steps over the tangle of legs to lean against the castle on her other side. "You're practically an adult. If we didn't want you around there were plenty of places in Traverse Town you could have gone."

"You were free to leave whenever you wanted," Aerith adds. "We never wanted you to feel like you _had_ to stay with us."

"But you weren’t as much of a bother as you think you were.” Leon tells it to the brickwork next to them but his words pierce her heart, warm and unexpectedly kind.

Cid flicks his cigarette over the edge of the banister. "I ain't hugging," he grumbls. "But these two got a point. We started off together because we had to, we stayed together because we wanted to."

Aerith gives her an awkward side hug. "Whatever else happens, we'll always have each other."

The wind picks up around them. Goosebumps break out across Yuffie's legs. Was the Bastion always going to be so cold? She wasn't prepared. She wasn't prepared for this new place, this not-home and the sheer unfamiliarity of it. But… she looks around at the familiar faces, at the people she has depended on so much. They were still the same, nothing has changed with them, with this not quite family at the core of her heart. Leon deigns to sit down beside them proper, just close enough that Yuffie can feel his body heat. It's nice, not as nice as Aerith who has cuddled Yuffie to her shoulder and leans over far enough to flick Leon in an ear which earns her a grunt of annoyance, but still nice.

The castle shudders around them and Yuffie holds tight to Aerith's arm around her shoulder. It's the beginning of the end, or maybe the end to a new beginning. Either way, she thinks it might not be as scary this time around.


End file.
